Dear Precious Little One

Updated: Dec 29, 2018

Dear Precious Little One, 

Time is such a bitter-sweet thing. 

The walls were painted, the crib went up. I flipped through the black and grey sonograms, studying them over and over, wondering who you would look like. 

Will you have my lips? Will your daddy's grin be my favorite feature?

Will you be sassy and silly? Maybe timid and sweet? 

Will your hair be soft and dark as chocolate? Or will you have cute, little blonde locks?

Each night before bed, I would sit in your nursery, rocking back and forth in the glider, reading scripture, praying God's promises over you. 

I simply stared at your crib, envisioning your tiny self in it. As I hung your clothes up in the closet, I imagined the numerous pictures I would take of you, from moments of pure joy where you smelled as good as you looked, and moments of disgust, when the stains of blowout diapers lingered even after 5 washes.

As I prepared your reading corner, I flipped through each book, reading them to you even while still in my womb. I rubbed my round belly and sang soft lullabies, hardly being able to contain my excitement to finally be able to hold you in my arms. 

Just like that, there you were. 

A tiny bundle of squish; MY tiny bundle of squish. 

We locked eyes and that was it. I thought I could only love your father this much, but the beauty of the love I have for you is somethingspecial in its own way. 

Time froze for just a second, as I welcomed this fragile, tiny being into the world, the one whom I had dreamt about for 9 months. 

Just like that, my tiny baby is no more. 

But my love for you, will forever be the same, always here with arms open wide, something special in its own way.

My precious baby turns 9 months old this week.

As I sat and rocked her to sleep this afternoon, I glanced over at the corner of my couch.

It was in that very corner where I spent many days during pregnancy, lounging, resting, trying to find relief from the discomfort of a tiny human growing inside of me.

It was that same corner where I spent many days after my little one entered this world; nursing, cuddling, listening to her sweet little baby grunts and studying her tiny face.

If time could stand still, even just for a moment, how I would let it. 

Who knew the 9 month mark would make a momma so emotional?

We've been co-sleeping for a good chunk of her life (she sleeps, I sleep, dad sleeps, it's a win-win for everyone!), but after recently becoming mobile, the fear of her crawling right out of our bed has me on edge (no pun intended). So, last night we lowered her crib.

Even though she's only slept in it a handful of times, she's spent many days, especially when she was smaller, enjoying tummy time or simply just playing while I did some things around the house.

While also cutting more teeth, she was especially fussy last night, wanting to constantly nurse. Though it is exhausting and other moms may frown about the idea of letting little one have free buffet anytime she desires, I can't seem to resist giving in and giving her the comfort she wants.

After a while though, she no longer wanted to nurse and just wanted to be held and rocked.

So that's exactly what momma did. 

As I rocked her, I sang Jesus Loves Me to her and for some reason, this 9 month mark had me more emotional than I like. Tears ran down as I sang to her. (I just couldn't stop them, what a baby, I know). 

Today, I watched her crawl all over, pulling herself up in her favorite spot, the window sill.

As she stood there, smiling out the window, all the flashbacks flooded in; the first time I held her, our first night home, nursing sessions at 2 a.m. in her nursery, when she began to hold her head up, the excitement when she rolled over for the first time, how she would wiggle and act so silly during bath time and so many more memories.

My tiny 6 lb. 9 oz. baby is now a 25 lb. toddler in the making.

My heart just flutters when I watch her learn a new skill; from crawling, to new sounds, to studying the eggs on her tray, I honestly don't know if I have a favorite stage; it's all so incredible and sweet to watch.

The moments seem to go by too quickly, but I'm reminding myself to be as present as possible, soaking up every moment I can, the good, the bad and the smelly.

So here's to you, my precious little one.

Happy 9 Months. ♥

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